Life is crazy busy right now. I've taken on more responsibility with work and I haven't found the fulcrum of balance yet. I'm thinking it might be a maid (smile). I'm juggling again. I've been reading The Shack and it has been very helpful, bringing me back to the fundamental that our relationship with God and acceptance by God is not about performance or accomplishment but being and loving Him, and accepting His acceptance of us.
How do you look at your days in the parameters of your life? What do you use to measure yourself with? What are your standards? What does success look like to you? What is success? I am evaluating how I define success. It may be perfectionism, or the lack of failure.
I am afraid to fail in my business, and although that would be hard to handle, I wouldn’t think I was a failure. Success to me is being a nice mommy, not losing my temper, being a good, Christ like example to my children. I know exactly what a successful day looks like to me. The problem is, it is not attainable.
So, how do I measure success when success for me is unattainable? I can get caught up in all the what ifs or should have dones and I can’t see clearly through all the self imposed ashes of sacrifice to realize that just loving my kids and my husband and appreciating life is being successful.
Today we didn’t fit in all the school we were supposed to. I can’t remember the last time I graded my kid’s school work. I am surrounded by three baskets of laundry to fold as I sit on the couch. I have dirty dishes that need to be washed in the sink. I can’t go to bed until I can change over the laundry from the washer to the dryer so soccer uniforms will be ready for tomorrow. I am excited that the kids picked up downstairs before they went to bed, and they have everything ready for their outing together, at least, the youngest one does. I am excited that my floors, although the rugs need to be vacuumed, do not need to be swept. I am excited that there are only a few things on the stairs for the kids to put away. We read poetry today just because. The kids got to play with friends. I only lost my temper once. Don’t worry, I’ve found it since then (wink). I had a friend over for dinner and we shared a bottle of wine, a few concerns, and a few laughs. Today was successful. Maybe sometimes I get mixed up and have success and perfection on the same standard. I am learning to rest in my Savior and be still. I am learning the difference.